I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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