At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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