I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
