I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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