I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
