i barfeds in our rink
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
