what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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