pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
