I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
sex in a hospital.. check
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
