sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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