trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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