right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
