covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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