she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Randomize
