Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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