Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
