I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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