I will die if light touches me.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
