Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Randomize
