K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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