So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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