In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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