My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
