Already got asked if we're dating
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
