and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
