Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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