He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
