true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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