just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
