last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize