the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
