I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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