I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
