this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
