Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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