Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
They are going to name an STD after you.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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