end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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