Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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