They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize