I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize