We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
