I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
