I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
