cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
