I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
