Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
