call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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