Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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