ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
