Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
