Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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