the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize