what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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