Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
i out mim tonsoeep
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
