let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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