The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
