I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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