The maid of honor just puked.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
he was CRYING into my vagina
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
