why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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