The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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