How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Are we still banned from the library?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
