Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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