I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
