the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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