would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
