I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
