I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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