Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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