sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
