We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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