I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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