Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
