miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm bleeding and have questions
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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