he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
