We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
