i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
