After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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