I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
