That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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